Couples & Relationship Therapy
with Erik Giles, LCSW (he/him)
Direct couples therapy for communication, conflict, sex, money, parenting strain, and the deeper issues underneath the same old fight.
A lot of people come in saying they have communication issues. Sometimes that is true. But more often, communication is just the surface layer of a deeper relationship problem. You may be having the same fight over and over, feeling chronically misunderstood, walking on eggshells, carrying resentment, or trying to figure out whether this relationship is actually helping each of you become the person you want to be.
I work with individuals and couples who want more than tips on how to argue better. I help people look underneath the conflict and understand what is really happening in the relationship: what each person needs, what each person is afraid to say, how old baggage is showing up in current fights, and whether the way you are living together is actually aligned with your shared values and goals.
This work can include communication problems, commitment questions, sex and intimacy issues, financial conflict, parenting stress, mental health strain inside the relationship, and the challenge of building a life together in a way that feels healthy and meaningful. My style is direct, conversational, and active. I am not here to let you spend your money replaying the same argument for an hour without going anywhere.
Why Relationship Problems Feel So Hard
Relationship issues are rarely just about one fight, one text, one awkward conversation, or one disappointing week. Usually there is a pattern underneath. One person feels unseen. One person feels controlled. One person wants more closeness while the other is backing away. Or both people are carrying their own anxiety, shame, depression, trauma, or stress into the relationship and do not know how to support each other without getting swallowed by the dynamic themselves.
That is why couples therapy can feel complicated. There are always two people in the room, but there is also the relationship itself. In couples work, the couple is the client. That means I am paying attention to the system between you, not just to who made the latest mistake.
Communication Usually Isn't the First Problem
People often say they cannot communicate, but a lot of the time the deeper issue is that they do not yet know what they actually want to say, what they need to say, or what should be said first. They may not understand their own needs clearly. They may be afraid of the fallout. They may be speaking from anger when the real issue is grief, fear, jealousy, or loneliness.
Part of our work is slowing all of that down. We talk about what good apology actually looks like, what healthy give-and-take feels like, what accountability sounds like, and how couples can build a shared life without defaulting to the patterns they learned growing up. I draw from relationship thinkers and methods across the field, but I do not force couples into somebody else’s template. The goal is to build a relationship that fits the two of you and your values, not somebody else’s idealized version of a healthy couple.
This Is Not Divorce Court
I am not here to act as a referee while two people perform the same fight in front of me. We will absolutely talk about the conflict, but I will interrupt when needed, and I will redirect you when the session stops being useful. I do not do well with couples therapy where one person is cast as the obvious villain and the other person shows up to sit in judgment. That is not a productive frame for this work.
I am here to understand each of you, understand the relationship, and hold both people accountable to their own values and goals. There may be moments when you do not like what I say. There may be moments when I challenge one or both of you pretty directly. That is part of the work. My job is not to make the session feel comfortable at all costs. My job is to help the relationship get clearer, more honest, and more workable.
Individual Relationship Work vs. Couples Work
Some people come in alone because they want help understanding a relationship they are in, a breakup they are considering, or the role they keep playing in dating and partnership. That can be very useful individual work. Couples therapy is different. When both people are in the room, the focus is the relationship itself.
It can help if each partner has their own individual therapist, but it is not required. What matters most is that both people are willing to be vulnerable, accept that both people contribute to the problem somehow, and stay engaged when the conversation gets more honest than either of you would prefer.
What I Help Clients Work On
- Communication breakdowns and recurring arguments
- Sex, intimacy, and emotional distance
- Financial conflict and money stress inside the relationship
- Parenting strain and disagreements about family roles
- Support during trauma, crisis, depression, anxiety, or other mental health difficulties
- Commitment questions, next-step decisions, and whether the relationship still fits
- Accountability, repair, apology, and rebuilding trust
- Learning how to build a life together around shared values rather than chronic reaction
How This Work Connects
You may also be interested in:
✔ Financial Challenge Issues
✔ Parenting & Family Support
✔ Decisions & Transitions
Looking for another therapist who works with relationship concerns? You may also be a good fit with Chris Sampsell, LPC or Rachel Santellano, LSW.
Frequently Asked Questions About Couples & Relationship Therapy
Do you only work with couples, or can I come alone to talk about my relationship?
Both. Some people come in individually because they want help understanding dating patterns, a partner dynamic, whether to stay or leave, or how they show up in relationships. Couples therapy is different because the relationship itself becomes the focus of the work. Both can be helpful. It depends on what you are trying to solve.
Will you let us just fight in session?
No. We may absolutely look at a fight, but I am not going to let the session become a replay of the same argument with no movement. I will interrupt, slow things down, and redirect when needed so the work stays useful.
What if one of us thinks the other person is the real problem?
That is common, but it is not a very workable starting point. In my experience, relationship problems become productive when both people are willing to look at how they contribute to the pattern. That does not mean blame is always equal. It means both people have to participate in the work honestly.
Can you help with sex, money, or parenting issues inside the relationship?
Yes. Those are some of the most common reasons couples come in. They are also good examples of issues that are rarely just about the surface topic. Usually there is something deeper underneath the conflict, and that is where the therapy becomes useful.