Will you take my teen’s side or the parent’s side?

No. My role is to be fair, direct, and supportive to everyone involved, helping families work together more effectively.

How involved are parents in therapy?

Parents play an important role. Involvement may include check-ins, joint sessions, or guidance around communication and expectations, depending on what’s most helpful.

Is therapy just a place for teens to vent?

Therapy includes emotional support, but it also focuses on accountability, communication, and skills that lead to real change.

Do you work with teens who have ADHD or are neurodivergent?

Yes. I work with neurodivergent teens and young adults, including those with ADHD, with a focus on emotional regulation, responsibility, and self-understanding. Many of the adolescents I work with are neurodivergent or have ADHD. Therapy focuses on understanding how their brain works, building practical skills, and addressing the emotional impact of school, expectations, and relationships.

Identity & Self-Understanding Therapy
with Jacob Nathan, LSW

Honest, practical therapy for identity issues, self-understanding, and building a life that actually fits.

A lot of people come to therapy because something in their life is not working, but underneath that is often a deeper question: who am I, and why does my life not feel like it fits? Sometimes that question shows up during a big life transition. Sometimes it shows up when anxiety, work stress, relationship problems, or a chronic illness make it harder to keep living on autopilot. Other times, you just know that the version of yourself you have been using no longer feels solid.

I work with adults dealing with identity issues, self-understanding, anxiety, life transitions, career and work stress, relationship concerns, chronic illness, ADHD, and the feeling that life looks mostly okay on the surface but does not feel right underneath. I connect well with people who are trying to figure out who they are after sports, after a move, after a career shift, after a diagnosis, or after years of doing what made sense for everyone else but not fully for them.

Why Identity Issues Feel So Hard

Identity problems are hard because they usually do not arrive neatly. Most people do not wake up and think, I am having an identity issue. They think, I feel stuck. I feel restless. I do not know what I want. I am doing well, but I do not feel good. I keep repeating the same patterns. I do not know whether I need to change my job, my relationship, my city, or something about how I understand myself.

That confusion makes sense. Identity is tied to the roles, routines, and stories that organize your life. When one of those starts to break down, a lot can come with it. Anxiety gets louder. Decisions feel harder. Relationships feel more strained. You may start questioning yourself more, or feel pressure to figure everything out quickly. A lot of people end up stuck between an old version of themselves that no longer fits and a new version they cannot fully see yet.

Identity Is Not Just About Labels

A lot of people hear “identity” and think it has to mean a label, a category, or a dramatic reinvention. That is not how I think about it. Identity is also about how you understand yourself, what you value, what gives your life meaning, and what kind of life actually feels like yours. It is about the difference between living a life that looks right from the outside and living a life that fits from the inside.

This is one reason I like this work so much. I am interested in the places where people feel divided, disconnected, or unsure of themselves. That can happen around work, relationships, athletics, chronic illness, family expectations, or big life transitions. Therapy can help make those patterns clearer so you are not just asking, What should I do? You are also asking, Who am I now, and what actually fits me?

I Understand This Personally

I did not take a straight path into becoming a therapist, and that shapes how I work with identity issues. I started out in law school and realized it was not the right fit, then spent time in politics, corporate work, restaurant work, and other jobs before recognizing I wanted something more direct, meaningful, and human. I know what it is like to work toward something for a long time and then realize it may not actually be yours.

I also know what it is like to rebuild identity in other ways. I am not originally from Chicago, so I know what it is like to move to a new city and have to build a life there. I spent about fifteen years in intense athletics and played college soccer, so I understand how much identity can get wrapped up in sports, performance, and structure. I live with type 1 diabetes too, and I know what it is like to carry something real without wanting it to define your whole identity. All of that helps me work well with people who are trying to figure out who they are now, not just who they used to be.

When Your Life Looks Fine but Does Not Feel Right

A lot of identity work starts with this feeling. On paper, things may look okay. Maybe you have a decent job, a relationship, a routine, or a life that seems functional from the outside. But internally, something feels off. You may feel disconnected from what you are doing, unsure why you are making the choices you are making, or frustrated that you keep ending up in the same emotional place even when things look “successful.”

I take that seriously. A lot of people get stuck here because they think they should be grateful, or because they do not have a dramatic enough reason to question things. But if your life does not feel like it fits, that matters. Therapy can help you understand whether the issue is anxiety, habit, fear, outside pressure, an outdated identity, or some combination of all of those. Once you understand that more clearly, it becomes easier to make decisions that actually fit who you are.

Identity and the Stories You Live Inside

A lot of identity problems are connected to stories people have been living inside for years. Maybe you have always been the responsible one, the athlete, the achiever, the caretaker, the smart one, the easy one, or the person who keeps it together. Those stories can be useful for a long time, but they can also become limiting when they stop matching the life you actually want.

Part of this work is helping you notice those old identities and ask whether they still fit. I am interested in what those roles gave you, what they cost you, and what keeps you holding onto them. That is one reason I ask a lot of questions and work in a collaborative, direct way. I want to help you get clearer on the story you have been living and whether it still deserves to be in charge.

My Approach to Identity & Self-Understanding Therapy

My style is collaborative, conversational, and direct. I want this work to feel like a real conversation, not a vague exploration that never goes anywhere. I ask a lot of questions, bring ideas into the room, and help you look at what is happening underneath the surface. That may include anxiety, career stress, relationship patterns, self-doubt, pressure from other people, old identities that no longer fit, or fear of what would happen if you changed.

I also think identity work needs to connect to real life. I do not want therapy to stay abstract. I want to help you understand the patterns behind your decisions, what matters most to you, what is getting in the way, and what kind of life you are actually trying to build. My goal is not to hand you a new identity. My goal is to help you understand yourself clearly enough that your decisions start to make more sense.

How Identity & Self-Understanding Therapy Can Help

understand why your life no longer feels like a fit
work through anxiety, self-doubt, and confusion about who you are becoming
identify old roles or stories that still shape your choices
understand how work, relationships, sports, family, or illness have shaped your identity
clarify your values and what actually matters to you
make decisions from a more honest and grounded place
build a life that feels more fully your own

How I Help with Identity & Self-Understanding at Modern Therapy Alliance

I do not treat identity issues as something abstract or overly philosophical. I look at the broader pattern. Identity problems often connect to anxiety, life transitions, work stress, relationship concerns, ADHD, chronic illness, and the loss of a role or structure that used to organize your life. I want to help people understand those connections so the work leads to real movement, not just insight for its own sake.

For some people, that means understanding why they feel lost after sports, after a move, after a breakup, or after a diagnosis. For others, it means recognizing that the version of success they have been chasing is not actually theirs. I know from my own life how complicated it can be to leave behind a role, a path, or a story that once made sense. That experience helps me stay practical, honest, and patient when I work with people who are trying to understand who they are now.

Is Identity & Self-Understanding Therapy with Jacob a Good Fit?

I am a strong fit for adults and young professionals who feel stuck, restless, disconnected, or uncertain about who they are and want more than generic reassurance. You do not need to have everything figured out before starting, but it helps if you are willing to look honestly at your patterns, your assumptions, and the roles you have been living inside.

I work especially well with people dealing with identity after sports, identity during life transitions, career questions, chronic illness, relationship uncertainty, and the feeling that a version of life they built no longer quite fits. If you want thoughtful, direct, collaborative therapy for identity issues and self-understanding, this may be a good fit.

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Frequently Asked Questions About Identity & Self-Understanding Therapy

What do you mean by identity issues?

I mean the experience of feeling unsure who you are, who you are becoming, or why your life no longer feels like it fits. Identity issues often show up through anxiety, career confusion, relationship problems, loss of direction, or the feeling that an old version of you no longer makes sense.

Is identity therapy really therapy?

Yes. Identity issues are often tied to anxiety, life transitions, depression, chronic stress, relationship concerns, and difficulty making decisions. Therapy can help you understand the patterns behind that and build a clearer sense of self.

Do you work with identity after sports?

Yes. This is one of the core areas I help with. I work with former athletes who are trying to understand who they are after sports, what parts of that identity still matter, and how to build a life that feels meaningful now.

Do you work with identity issues related to work or career?

Yes. A lot of people build identity around work, achievement, or a version of success that eventually stops fitting. Therapy can help you understand that pattern and make more grounded career decisions.

Can therapy help if I do not know what I want?

Yes. You do not need to show up with a perfect answer. If you know something feels off, therapy can help you understand what is happening underneath that and what direction makes the most sense.

What if I feel like my diagnosis, my relationship, or my job has become too much of my identity?

That is exactly the kind of thing I help with. Therapy can help you understand how that role started organizing your identity, what it is doing for you, and how to build a fuller sense of self around it.

Ready to Start Identity & Self-Understanding Therapy?

You do not have to figure out who you are or what fits you best entirely on your own. If you are looking for identity and self-understanding therapy in Chicago that is practical, direct, and collaborative, I would be glad to talk with you. Reach out for a consultation and we can start figuring out what no longer fits, what still matters, and what kind of life you want to build next.

Identity & Self-Understanding Therapy with Jacob Nathan, LSW